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Short Men talks about the big dating challenges

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David Ko has spent most of his college life as a single man. Studying molecular and cellular biology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, driving his convertible sports car on weekends and lifting weights, David had a lot going for him. But the 23-year-old says he lashed out at the girls.

“There were a few girls that interested me, but since I was about the same height, they automatically disqualified me,” he recalls.

At 5’4 ”, comments about David’s height finally pulled him out of the dating game, as the thought of being “forever alone” tormented him.

“Some [dates] would agree and then refuse me later while some refused immediately. They didn’t tell me to my face, but I found out through mutual friends.

“Not only with the rejections, but a few of my friends were making remarks like, ‘You would look so much more attractive if you were five inches taller’ or ‘I bet you would have so many girls if you were tall. . “

Living with a handsome 5’9 ” white man who “attracted a lot of girls” didn’t help either, with his roommate’s advice being just “be confident”.

The old adage suggests that good things come in small packages, but is that true when it comes to the world of male dating? In a society that tends to favor height and with many apps requiring you to enter your height, it seems like shorter men have drawn the short straw.

Louiegin Nillas once dated a man inches from her – her first and last experience with someone shorter.

“It didn’t bother me, but our conversations were always about being taller than him and out of his league,” she said. “I tried two more dates afterwards, but I felt so uncomfortable about how his insecurities were going to enter the conversation, and I felt like he was still trying to make up for his little one. size … a bit like those little dogs that bark at everything. “

Another woman, Louise Lagman, has also had her fair share of dates with shy shorts. One in particular stood out.

“Greg had seen all these memes and jokes about girls who only dated men 6ft and taller and he wouldn’t change the subject,” she said. “In my mind, I’m like, ‘If that’s the way you talk on dates, I’m pretty sure it’s not the size that’s the problem. Don’t swing that or whatever. what baggage in my own way, I have neither the time nor the energy to be someone’s repairman ”.

Insecurities aside, there are a myriad of other ways little men have been cheated – assuming the default teaspoon position; struggling to make eye contact with a bartender; and a greater chance of being an “amizone” or being accused of “fishing at height”. Although they are likely to save more money by consuming less food and space, a 2006 study on online dating it has been found that a 5’6 ” man needs an additional $ 175,000 to be as desirable as a man around 6 ‘tall and only earns $ 62,500 per year.

This type of discrimination has left many injured and suspicious of the dating scene. Juan Calilong is 26 years old and 5’4 ”. He lives in Manila and says he’s already dated a girl taller than himself who was upset that she couldn’t wear heels around him.

“One girl told me my personality is great, it’s just the size that was the problem. I jokingly told her that she could lose weight to make her look more attractive. She told me it’s not easy to lose weight, to which I replied, ‘It’s not easy to gain height too,’ ”he told VICE.

Juan left the dating scene soon after, because every girl he met said the same thing to him: “I’m too small.”

Miguel Buenaflor is 5’6 ” tall. He grew up in Manila but is now in his twenties and lives in California. He says he once asked his grandmother to buy him elevator shoes for school. Getting into college wasn’t any easier, as “the people who constantly drooled over NBA players had a subtle impact,” but ironically he ended up dating a 5’10 ” girl. who was planning to do college basketball.

“It’s a pretty embarrassing story, but every time we held hands I would stand on the sidewalk as she walked the streets,” he recalls.

As friends complained to him about being in bed with a guy whose legs were shorter than theirs, Miguel learned to find comfort in the sameness.

“I’m sure I’m not the only kid doing this, but I tend to seek out celebrities and performers who are about the same height, looking for validation and comfort,” he says. .

Big, petite names like Zac Efron, Tom Cruise, Prince, James Dean and Lionel Messi all prove height is just a number. Millions admire them, and it seems that the short men are starting to defend themselves.

Comedian Jaboukie Young-White coined the term “short kings” in his 2018 tweet recover the word “short”. Blackbear & TMG followed suit with their 2019 ode to men with vertical disabilities, “Short hymn of kings”, Where they boasted:“ I could suck a titty while I’m standing. ” Even an app for piccolo-sized men is in the works – Short King Dating stating “tall, dark and handsome” is obsolete and encourages women not to let size get in the way of true love.

For many, these initiatives are useful but rare. Many still struggle in the dating arena and feel like they will always have the end of the stick.

Damien Diecke is the Head Coach and Founder of School of Attraction, a Sydney-based dating school for men. At 5’8 ” himself, Damien has had his fair share of encounters with taller women. This is something he has learned to accept, he says, because “we live in a society which assumes that taller men have authority or that it is easier to pay attention.”

He uses a two to three inch tampon when searching for leads, saying that “you will generally have more success with women who are shorter than you.” He also advises and tries to make a connection first, before casually disclosing his size before the date so they have a chance to meet him or not. While these strategies may work in the short term, Damien’s ultimate advice is confidence.

“If you focus on one thing that you don’t have, people are going to focus on that more strongly,” he says. “It’s not about getting bigger, it’s about bringing out other features that you can bring to the table.”

It’s similar advice David’s much taller and sexually successful college roommate gave him. After being asked why he didn’t have a girlfriend, David replied that it was because he was little.

“Bullshit,” his roommate replied.

“I made an excuse that was easy for him to say since he was taller, but then he continued to lecture me on confidence,” recalls David.

He then got into bodybuilding and kept saying to himself, “I’m the shit; I am a great guy; I am such a trap. Eventually, his height didn’t bother him, and he subconsciously started to carry himself taller to the point that people thought he was taller than he actually was, or forgot that he was completely. small.

“I didn’t know how much muscle builds self-confidence. My self-esteem gradually improved and I essentially ‘artificially’ stimulated my own ego until I truly believed in it myself.

David now has a girlfriend and attributes his trust to being able to ask her out. Size may matter to some people, but if you can see past someone’s waist, there is a whole group of men out there who are ready to share their clothes with you.

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