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Who are you looking for relationship advice from?

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The nature of romantic relationships is confusing. While some patterns of relationship behavior can be categorized, the way it manifests in each relationship is different. The most common relationship-related refrains among singles: The man doesn’t engage, the girl targets you with friends, he doesn’t seem to care enough, or she just coaches you. With all the emotional turmoil and over-thinking that this entails, it becomes very difficult to see things clearly. This is when people gravitate towards external sources. For most of us, it’s a network of well-meaning friends and family.

K had been dating V for four months, things were just starting to get serious. K was elated when V asked him to accompany him for the weekend to his former students at a complex not too far from the town where they are based. It was a big step for both. Come Saturday night, K was partying happily with V’s friends and their partners. Things took a turn for the worse when she woke up the next morning with severe food poisoning. V did what he could, but she needed medical help. V asked a friend to drive K to the nearest hospital. He said he had to stay behind to organize the rest of the day for the elders meeting.

It was indeed a hurtful situation for anyone. It’s natural to expect someone you fall in love with to take care of you. K questioned their relationship, and rightly so. That night, V tried to call her several times, but K just didn’t want to talk to her. He then sent messages of apologies. He admitted that he should have been there with her instead of hanging back on something that could have been handled by anyone else. Like most of us, K reached out to her girlfriends who have always been supportive of her. Her two friends warned her by saying “if this is how he behaves at the start of a relationship, when one is so in love with each other, imagine what he will be like as he goes along. as things start to decrease over time. ” A fair argument. K took his friends’ advice and texted him saying things were over between them.

Over the next few days, V tried to contact K regularly, but she ignored his messages. When asked if she thinks she got good advice from her friends, K says she often feels like she acted too hastily on their advice. A month has passed and she is still in love with V, despite her indifferent behavior that day. She can’t help but think about how he accepted his mistake without her pointing out to him, took responsibility and apologized, which could make him a fantastic partner. We talked about contacting him even though they haven’t logged in at all for over a month. K summons his courage to do so.

There is advice for serious situations and then there is the kind of advice that has no merit.

My client B is looking for a partner. I guide her on how to navigate the world of dating apps and matrimonial sites. As we narrow down the list of potential gentlemen to chat and meet with, B says any man who has a sister shouldn’t be on the list. The reason for this unusual prejudice is the advice she received from an aunt she is very close to. This aunt always reminds her to stay away from men with sisters. The aunt thinks that the sisters make the lives of their brothers’ wives miserable. She speaks from personal experience of course. B’s brother is married and I ask him if, according to her aunt’s apparent observations, she has also made her sister-in-law’s life miserable. I didn’t have to say much else to B to make her understand that this advice was riddled with prejudice and full of holes.

It is natural to seek advice from friends and family. However, we need to take an independent and thoughtful 360-degree view before making any decisions. We have to keep in mind that most people come with their own experiences and biases that can color even the most well-meaning advice. It can be an isolated personal experience like that of B’s ​​aunt or friends who feel your pain and seem to be around you, as it did with K. They are unable to see past your pain and cannot see beyond your pain. not consider each other’s efforts. nobody does, to give you a more balanced opinion.

Often talking about things is helpful. You can hear what others have to say, but the most important thing is to listen to your own instincts and act on them. Reach out to loved ones when you need to, but spend time with yourself to let your own instincts guide you. When it comes to relationships, each of us has a unique approach to the way we run things. The decisions we make can be difficult, but the right ones are followed by a feeling of peace.

This is a limited series from Dating and Relationship Coach Simran Mangharam who can be contacted at [email protected]

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